Thoughts of a Dreamer w/ Terri Nikki

#72: You're Not Protecting Yourself, You're REJECTING YOURSELF!!

May 25, 2022 Terri Nikki Season 1 Episode 72
Thoughts of a Dreamer w/ Terri Nikki
#72: You're Not Protecting Yourself, You're REJECTING YOURSELF!!
Show Notes Transcript

Let's think about this thing... how many of us will look at something and say... Nah. Nope. Not gone do it. Not wasting my time... Well, you're ACTUALLY not protecting yourself from rejection, you're self rejecting. Keep on saying no. Keep on! (I'm being sarcastic.) You get in this habit of saying no then you'll NEVER progress. You'll look up and see everyone else "doing better" than you and you have no idea why. Well... YOU KEEP SAYING NO! Stop it. Right now. 

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Tags: rejection, fear, protect yourself, perfectionism, mindset, goals, self reject, no, resume, KPI, HR, content creator, comedy, jazz, singer, opinion

References: - Savanna Pruitt - Johannes Kieding, LCSW - Maury Joseph, PsyD - Margret Paul, PhD

Yall like mylittle ditty? Yeah, like the last time I'm gonna be getting I knows loopy. She was a little pitchy. But you know what? Perfection is a fallacy a fallacy. Hey, y'all, welcome back to the Thoughts of a Dreamer podcast with me, Miss Terry Nikki.  For those of you who are new, Thoughts of a Dreamer is a podcast is specifically designed dedicated to and for dreamers, and creatives, entrepreneurs, visionaries, inventors who feel as though they just can't mentally get to that next level. So, I'm here to talk it out a bit. Talk about some of those mental hurdles, or mental roadblocks you may be experiencing, so that you can achieve and live out your dreams. So welcome.
Now, all of us go through this, all of us do it. About 95...97.. 99... Most of us... I don't know the percentage, but most of us go through this mental process. You see something you want to do, which requires action. Before you put any action into anything, we go through this thing called analysis. And what we do is we like to take a little trip on our little rocket ship and mentally go through the steps of what needs to be done in order to achieve and said go, right. So we start down the little path and go through our little checklist. And if it comes back that there are more x's than checkmarks, then we say Yeah, throw our hands up. And we're not going to do it. That, my dear friends is called self rejection, self rejection, and it is a form of sabotage, sabotage. Sure, jazz hands. I'm really doing jazz hands. Y'all can't see me. But um, okay, well, we go through this, what we normally do is we take a flashlight, or a highlighter, and we point out where we may fall short. If, for instance, you look at a job description, okay? You have everything on those KPIs or key performance indicators. You have everything on the KPIs, everything, all the objectives, everything on the preferred qualifications, right? Except for one, you don't have a college degree. So you say to yourself, gee, I didn't go to college. So I'm not even going to apply tough rejection. The thing is, we normally think to ourselves, they're out of my league, I can't do that. Or I don't feel as though I'm going to be good at this. So I won't do it. Or I don't have the experience, or I know somebody out there, they're better than me. They're, they're better than me. They'll get it. I'm really not good enough. And you tell yourself No. Bottom line, two reasons. You don't believe in you. You don't believe in you, you lack that confidence. You let that sway. You don't have that pep in your step. You don't have that back to the bone, you know, I'm failing you. You don't really have the confidence in yourself. Or number two, you try to avoid rejection. I would much rather reject myself and have somebody else on the outside reject me and make me feel worthless, because you're thinking if I see the imperfections if I'm highlighting where I fall short, it is blaringly clear to someone else. And I don't need that projected back at me thrown back at me like a boomerang. So then you just said, shum cut this off at hate, I mean, any me feeling that pain, and only me going there, shut it down reject, reject button, right? Let me tell you what the problem is by self rejection and self rejecting continuously. Number one, if you do anything continuously guess what, Buttercup, it becomes a habit. So now you're in this habitual loop of rejecting opportunities, rejecting advancement for growth, rejecting anything new that comes your way, because you are afraid of the external rejection, or you are afraid that you aren't good enough. So just think about it like this. You keep saying no, no, no, no to any and everything that could have a good outcome or could have an ending of rejection, then those things compound. And you'll find yourself looking at other people and seeing them being quote unquote, successful or wanting what they have coveting what they have, and wondering why haven't I? And if you really look back on different situations and opportunities that have presented in your life, can you say that it had anything to do with the person presenting the opportunity? Probably not. It's probably because you've gotten used to talking yourself out of opportunities due to lack of competence, fear of rejection, one or the other. So you do it for you do it for them. All right. All right. All right. All right. So let me let me step but let me let me step back a little bit. So Terry, what does self rejection look like? If it wasn't clear, because let me tell you, there are ways that you may not realize that you're self rejecting, because that thing kind of sneaks up on you, especially if you're on reject autopilot given I'm saying so here are a few ways you can really think or kind of determine they you may be self rejecting. Number one, do you stop yourself from going out to any social activities like networking? And or you feel this social anxiety when you're around people? Yeah, I understand. Some people are introverts. I get that but don't mistake introversion for filling social anxiety or, or being in a place of rejecting of yourself. You know, I'm saying, let me see if I can find another way. People will say, Oh, I am an introvert. I feel uncomfortable in social settings. When an honest actuality it's not them being introverted. It's them lacking the confidence that they need to be in those social settings. You gave it to me, okay, you're like, hey, let's not let's not let's not sell so let's not pacify, let's really get to the root of this thing and figure out what it is. Okay, number one, confidence. Number two, do you find yourself like you're gonna build like a little fortress around you to kind of keep people from looking at you. Or accepting anything new or doing anything new, you build this fortress of comfort around you and you end up being in stagnant situations that make you unhappy, but you're comfortable with IE relationships. You're comfortable with that guy or that gal. So you're gonna stay with them despite the fact that they get on your everliving nerves they make you irritated you are very unhappy with them but I don't want to do anything new so I'm going to stay there self rejection think about it. Okay, number three, you neglect yourself. You stop doing things that make you happy. You stopped going out and intentionally finding things that make you happy I'm going coming back to that number four you push away people who love you you push them away. Okay want to stay into your Meebo and the last thing? Deep breath deep breath, perfectionism. Perfectionism guys seriously, when it when you think that you aren't perfect, and you don't deserve to apply, or you don't deserve to go or you don't deserve to be in that relationship. You don't look good enough. You won't have the right things to say you have these body image issues. Listen, being a recovering perfectionist when I tell you It is one of the strongest forms of self rejection, because you will then stop anything coming at you until you feel adequate enough to do it perfection. Perfect enough to do it. Okay. So please keep that in mind that that can be a form of self rejection at all. Okay. Okay. So what can we do to kind of like, minimize or fight off this? You know, self rejection therapy out of rejected? Okay, I just wonder, Okay, listen, I need you to understand this. We have no control over what comes into our mind. I know that's so weird to say. I know. It's weird to say but you have no control over what pops up in your mind bubble, no control whatsoever? If you did, you probably wouldn't think some of the thoughts that you think and you probably wouldn't say some of the things that you thought because people don't look at you like what you think they are. But guess what they think and some stuff too. But you can't control what pops in your mind. But what you can control is how you react to it. Okay, you can control how you react to. So if you see yourself in an opportunity that you're you you're wanting to take yourself out of the running, take yourself out of the race, pause, address that thing. Call it out, fill the fields, ask your questions of why do I not want to reply to this? Why do I not want to put action to horses? Why do I not want to do it is why do I not want to get to the root, get to the core? Get to the why. Okay. And from there, you can kind of analyze and see your patterns of rejection and how you do things and why you do things. You know, knowledge is power. Number two, extend yourself some grace. Okay? No, you're not perfect. No one is, everyone has flaws. Everyone has imperfection. No one is going to be 100% perfect for the job. No one is going to be 100% Ready to pursue a dream. No one's going to be there. No one No one, extend yourself grace to know that although you may not be 1,000% What someone wants, needs and desires. Whatever the case may be, it doesn't mean that you aren't worth it. Know your worth or three, know who you are, know your worth. Know your worth. When you know that you know that you know that you are amazing. And you know that you are great and you know that you are qualified, your mind starts to shift a little bit. Instead of thinking to yourself, oh my gosh, they're gonna reject me, you're thinking, oh my gosh, that's their loss is their loss that they're not picking up on this amazingness over here. It's such a simple tweak. But it will change and alter the way that you do things and the way that you receive rejections. So understand who you are, understand what you can bring to the table. Understand your transferable skills, understand what may not translate as the perfect bullet point on a KPI doesn't mean that you haven't performed that action, some form of fashion and another job in a different way. Don't sell yourself short. Know who you are. Know your worth. Stand 10 toes down on that. Okay. Okay, here's the here's another funky little way, in my opinion. Okay, let me tell you what I do. And not okay. I want to miss out on nothing. Okay, I have a bigger fear of sitting on my porch when I'm 80 years old in a rocking chair wondering about what if I had done this? What if I had done that I have a really bigger fear of missing out. I hate the fact that I will miss out on something. So when I approach opportunities that may bring all sorts of fear to me, if I reject myself, in turn equals regret. The fear of missing out the what ifs I don't want any of that. I need to know I need to know that. I know. Let me let me let me just do it. And if I get rejected cool, I'd say I got rejected. I did it. I got rejected. We'll see. I know what happens down that road. You never know. So instead of looking at it as though oh my gosh, they look at us like wait, wait, wait. But what if that thing actually works out? Let me go ahead and turn this resume and you go. And lastly, stop. Stop it. Listen to what I'm telling you. Stop it. Feel the damn fear and do it anyway. Feel the fear and do it in a way recognize. You're just self rejecting, okay, you're self sabotaging. You will not be 100% Perfect. You're not going to It's okay. And I want to bring up this Wayne Gretzky quote that I brought up for three weeks now. You miss 100% of the shots, you don't shoot. So feel the fear and do it. Anyway, I've had a book in my bookcase for years that I never read, I just bought it because of the fact that I just bought it because of the title and the title is feel the fear and do it anyway. And then I finally read like maybe two years ago, and it ended up being half of my deck on vision board for 2020. It was crazy, but nonetheless, feel the damn fear, do it. Anyway, on the sidebar of all of this, I want you to understand that once you self project, sometimes you start prophesying, because negative thoughts tend to stick a little bit better than the positive ones. So if you accept that rejection of yourself, then just know that you have bought your admission ticket. So the rejection merry go round. And it's gonna keep going around in circles and circles and circles and nothing is gonna pick up speed. That thing is gonna pick up momentum. And the next thing you know that is going to be a permanent fixture in your psyche. Don't do it don't accept it. Okay? If you feel this is not enough, if you feel you're still fighting the fear and you're still in this point of self rejecting everything and sabotaging the anything good that comes to you the possibility of anything good, go seek therapy, go and talk to someone. Okay? Do that for me. Do that for me. Do that for me. Okay. Okay. I noticed a little longer than I normally do, but I just this may weighing on my heart for a while. So thank you all for listening. And I will see y'all next week. Thank you for tuning into the thoughts of a drummer podcast with me Terry Nikki. If you liked this episode, don't be staging Feel free. Go ahead and share this to anyone you feel is in their own way. And just need a little bit of a nudge. Also, follow me on social media at to a underscore dreamer on IG, Twitter and Tiktok for more content. Follow me on Facebook at toa dreamer no underscore because they weren't letting me and do me a favor. Don't know how finicky this algorithm is rate me on the podcast with your favorite platform. It will help this message to more people. Lastly, be sure to have those notifications on because y'all never know when I may feel extra and drop a bonus episode. Thank you all so much for listening. Until next time 

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